The Loneliness of Childhood!

Garden at Giverny – Claude Monet 1895

French 1840-1926

Impressionism

If We’re All So Connected, Why are Our Kids so Lonely?

Our children are spending an increasing amount of time staring at screens. And a new study released in January found that children today are struggling with “loneliness or deep levels of unhappiness” as a result of the time they spend on the Internet. The experience of loneliness has always been a part of childhood, of course. But technology, which in some cases can connect children to others virtually, clearly also has the potential to aggravate and introduce new sources of loneliness.

Where can we go to understand the loneliness of childhood? Loneliness is a central theme of Francis Hodges Burnett’s classic, The Secret Garden. The book is a hymn to lonely children and lonely places, lost families and sparse friendships. In this most unhopeful of themes, Burnett gives children the brightest and most hopeful of alternatives, a garden, itself transformed by death and the loneliness of loss. Here is a place where the roots grow deep, and the illusions of what one is and what one has lost fade behind the real sights and scents of life allowed to flourish
Technology will be a part of most children’s lives, in useful (and useless) ways, but teaching children how to step away from their screens, and gravitate toward what can be felt and cultivated in the real world—where they might discover their own secret gardens—will reveal to them the difference between the beauty of stillness and the loneliness of isolation.

Parenting Teens – ” The Boss Of Me”

  

You’ve got the talkin’ down
Just not the listening

“King Of Anything”
Sara Bareilles

Keep drinkin’ coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ’em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for your time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you, babe
But I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost
With no direction oh
But you’ll never see

You’re so busy makin’ maps
With my name on them in all caps
You’ve got the talkin’ down
Just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life
I’ve tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin’ for someone to tell me it’s my turn
To decide

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me.
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be.
Who died and made you king of anything?

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me.
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be.
Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown, babe.

LORD OF THE FLIES
William Golding

Dating – Friendship – Relationship

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Fiery, passionate love is great — Basing a lifelong commitment on those emotions can be unstable. What happens when that burning love fades?

So while passion is great, there needs to be friendship and mutual respect to make sure your relationship can stand the test of time.

What gets in the way of that? We’re often focused on the qualities in a partner that are mysterious and different. That can be good for passionate affairs but what works for marriage is more often similarity.

Marriage isn’t worse than it used to be, but it’s certainly different. Love-based marriage has the potential to be far, far more fulfilling than unions of the past.

Crazy love rarely lasts. Friendship does.

Excerpts from:

Rules For A Happy Marriage: 4 Secrets From An Expert

Adolescence – Growing Up Is Hard To Do

"The Outsiders" was written by S.E. Hinton at age 15, inspired after a friend who was beaten up on his way home. The mother of one of her friends read the manuscript and contacted an agent based in New York. She was then signed for a small advance and the book was published when she was 19. [x] "The Outsiders" was first printed in 1967 and has never been out of print. It is now one of the best selling books of all time.

“The Outsiders” was written by S.E. Hinton at age 15, inspired after a friend who was beaten up on his way home. The mother of one of her friends read the manuscript and contacted an agent based in New York. She was then signed for a small advance and the book was published when she was 19. [x]
“The Outsiders” was first printed in 1967 and has never been out of print. It is now one of the best selling books of all time.

My advice to adolescents

Everyday I try to give advice to my patients. Some times they are receptive; sometimes not so much.

Most of the advice offered is tempered by over 30 years experience.

Each child is unique as is each generation of patients. Their social milieu may have changed however the impact of their success and disappointments are the same. Who we will become is shaped by both.

Every generation believes that their teens may be the most troubled and the most disrespectful.

Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”
― Socrates

When we are very young our play is our work.
Our attendance at school is our next job. Learning first what the rules are and then adhering to those rules.

And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

The new society as it is evolving pretends to allow for self determination however with out a true understanding of our parents and grandparents, their generation and the societal forces that shaped their character, we cannot come to an attainment of our self.

We should not try to become the mimic of a personality or celebrity we have to learn to value our friends, family and acquaintances. If we do not value ourselves how can we value others. There is a value in the ability to reciprocate our feelings

Do not be in a hurry to grow older.
Take time
Make friends
Enjoy games, sports, music, arts, and reading!

 
Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.”

― Oscar Wilde

 

DATING IS OVER RATED – FRIENDSHIP IS NOT

Dating is a contact sport- watch your blind side
Date your friends
Do not date out of a need, date out of friendship
Do not call the girls who call you
Date some one who will empower you, raise you up
Be polite
Open doors
Chivalry is not dead
Feminism is misunderstood word
Respect precedes all ideology
Meet your date’s parents! If you like both of his/her parents you are safe!
You can guarantee that he/she will become like one or the other parent.

DO NOT BE IN A HURRY TO GROW UP!

Teenager – Know the Warning Signs

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A certain amount of change may be normal during the teen years, but too drastic or long-lasting a switch in personality or behavior may signal real trouble — the kind that needs professional help. Watch for one or more of these warning signs:

extreme weight gain or loss

sleep problems

rapid, drastic changes in personality

sudden change in friends

skipping school continually
falling grades

talk or even jokes about suicide

signs of tobacco, alcohol, or drug use

run-ins with the law

Understanding the Teen Years