We live in a world of instant gratification. So much energy is devoted to immediate desires. But we all seek balance.
“Watch your now-to-later ratio. Too much focus on the now and you bankrupt your future. Too much focus on the later and you miss the beauty of life.”
There’s a famous experiment which studied the characteristics of delayed gratification in young children. The experiment participants were offered one marshmallow if they wanted it now, and two marshmallows if they waited for a short time. Not surprisingly, this long-term study showed conclusively that the children who were able to wait were more successful in later life.
A father threw a temper tantrum in our office today.
I know his time is valuable but our patients are valuable and precious to us.
I love my patients each and every one of them.
The following is abstracted from an article which appeared in the Wall Street Journal
With the holiday season in full swing, so are angry meltdowns in department stores, restaurants, airports and just about anywhere else, really. People are exhausted, stressed out and worried about money. Many don’t have good coping skills to begin with at any time of year.
People get angry for any number of reasons, of course. Many are so stressed that any slightly upsetting incident in their day sets them off.
“Anger is a protective response to a perceived hurt,” “If you are overwhelmed and something comes out of the blue, for you it’s going to feel like a threat.”
Many people may be in denial about how mad they get. When we get angry, the emotional center of the brain has a much greater influence than the part that governs conscious thinking. And some experts believe that the angrier we become, the less aware we may be of it.
MANAGING ANGER: WHEN IT ISN’T YOURS
How do you keep a someone’s tantrums from ruining your relationship? Here are some tips from the experts:
Don’t be silent. Ignoring the bad behavior enables it. And withdrawal makes the angry person feel judged, says Joe James, a psychologist and anger-management specialist.
Validate the feelings, not the behavior. ‘Say, I understand that you are really upset. You are not validating their reaction; you are validating their emotion. And it is the quickest way to disarm them.’
Explain later why the behavior upsets you. Were you embarrassed? Irritated that an evening out was ruined? Frustrated that the situation caused delays? Say, ‘I love you but it’s hard for me to be supportive of you when you handle a situation like that.’
Ask open-ended questions. How does the person feel about her behavior? Is she under stress? Try to understand what’s going on.
Change your own behavior. Stop upholding your end of the relationship until the bad behavior stops. ‘As soon as one person begins to change, the dance has to change. The shift always happens when you change yourself, not the other person.’
This Loved One Will Explode in Five, Four …This Loved One Will Explode in Five, Four …
By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN
Dec. 13, 2010
I started thinking of a song my Dad use to sing when I was a child.
Old Aunt Mariah
Jumped into the fire;
The fire was so hot
She jumped into the pot;
The pot was so black
She jumped into the crack;
The crack was so high
She jumped into the sky;
The sky was so blue
She jumped into a canoe;
The canoe was so deep
She jumped into the creek;
The creek was so shallow
She jumped into the tallow;
The tallow was so soft
She jumped into the loft;
The loft was so rotten
She jumped into the cotton
The cotton was so white
She decided to spend the night.
I researched it and found that it had its origins in South Carolina Slave / Sharecropper workers who sang songs while working long hours in the fields.
Jumprope rhymes are mainly an oral tradition, perhaps one of the last in our culture of nearly universal literacy and video history. In our age, nothing seems real until we see it on television. Our young girls in keeping an oral tradition preserve for us the last vestiges of a simpler, pure era when saying was remembrance.
The best folklore source (Abrahams (1969)) claims that boys jumped rope in the last century and girls did not. The boys apparently did not sing while they jumped, but they had all of the rope mechanics (peppers, double dutch, snake, etc). Around 1890, unmentioned changes in undergarments permitted girls to engage in more active passtimes. They brought the songs from clapping games into jumping rope activities. Boys stopped rope jumping when the girls started.
It is about a double dutch jump rope competition.
It’s got a great message about gender roles and sports, focusing on Izzy finding a joy for jumping while struggling to find the fun in boxing, now that it’s all he and his dad talk about since his mother died.
It also highlights bullying and how sometimes bullies don’t have the easy home life you might imagine. And that they can have a change of heart, and forgiveness isn’t always so hard.
Be The Father You Would Want Your Son To Be!
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